Well...

Okay I was up. Really up. Three pounds up. My body fluctuates at times. Usually it is up maybe eight pounds of fluid and my feet are like little piggy feet. But the doctor and I have a good hold on controling the fluid and I was up only three pounds. Only slightly swollen ankles and fingers.

I knew that any loss I had would not show up on the scales. This one I could feel. But I still felt like crying when I saw it up so high. And even though I knew it was not what I was doing, but my body...I still felt like crying. Even though my weekly picture shows the change.

It is all about the journey. Part of this journey is watching what my body is doing in response to changes. If I keep my eyes on the journey, I will be okay. But the near-tears tell me it is hormones. I have no control over hormones. I have no control over my body's need for fluid. And I have no control over what the scales report.

I do have control over what I choose to eat. I do have control over how I respond to things. I do have control over living this life joyfully and fully.


My grandgirl is with us again tonight. We answered the door and gave away candy to all the trick-or-treaters. We searched for the hidden pictures in a new book. She fell asleep against my chest.

And with that, my friends, life jes don't get no better. Peace~~

I have been really hungry the past two days and, while staying within my points overall, I have been eating more points. I usually stay on the lower end of points and now I am eating all my daily points plus parts of my weekly points.

I know part of the problem is that I am still not remembering to bring something to eat on the ride home from work. I just keep forgetting and I am really hungry after eating lunch somewhere between noon and 1:30 all the way until about 6:00 for dinner.

Another reason possibly is that I may be missing something from my diet and it is catching up with me. I don't eat a great deal of protein as compared to veggies. I eat black beans and tofu more than chicken and fish. And while they are filling and stick with you longer, perhaps I need to add more protein.

Another possibility is that I am having a hormone moment. I get this thing with hormones where I can't seem to get full, no matter how much I eat. I retain fluid like crazy in the same process. I am holding more fluid...maybe this is part of the hormone dump.

And the last possibility is that I haven't been eating all my points. Perhaps my body is just hungry because I ain't eating enough, period.

Whatever...I am hungry and trying to stay focused. I will make sure every day that I have a snack in my bag to eat on the way home, and have low-point dinners for a while so I can eat more and still stay within my point area. Ohhhh taco salad. Lots of lettuce and salsa, filling and low points overall :)

I am trying to really pay attention to everything I am doing along this journey and am finding some interesting things. First, I can't tell if I have lost just by how I feel. I knew I had lost last week but didn't feel like I had this week. Oh I knew I had made good choices and stayed on points but it just didn't feel like I had lost anything. But I did--2.5 pounds for a total of 24. So going by how I feel isn't a good indicator of weight loss.
Another thing is that I am glad my week begins on Saturday for I have had something special on Friday for the past three weeks. Three weeks ago my dean had a get-together for the faculy and staff. Last week I made brunch for a retreat with my department. Last night was the celebration of Doug's birthday, Each week I planned what I was going to eat in a general way and saved up exra points for the event. And by weighing in on Friday morning I don't have to worry about fluid retention the next day if I eat things a bit richer than normal.

And lastly, this is the first week that I have not been able to see a change in my weekly picture. But good thing I have them going because I really CAN see changes as I go along.
My grandgirl stayed the night last night and today we are going to the Pumpkin Patch to find the best pumpkin. Then we will come home and carve that big guy before she goes home. I have been missing my girl as the remodeling of the bathroom has prevented her from staying with us all summer.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaah. Great reward :) I am oiled and relaxed and feeling great :) Smell like lavender. And only 7.5 pounds until the next one! It jes don't get no better than this :)

I'm getting my first reward massage Tuesday evening :) I hope I like this therapist because she is just up the street a ways. My daughter-in-law is a massage therapist and her table is being stored here at the house. But until we get the bathroom remodel finished--which may be never or forever or something--there is nowhere to put the table if she wants to do a massage.

But I am having my first 15 pound reward massage Tuesday evening :) Life is good.

What a week! I was home ill for a couple of days. Sure seems like a small 24 hour bug used to take less than 24 hours to get back to snuff. But now I have hit that place where it takes a bit longer. I was still tired on Monday night so I stayed home on Tuesday as well. Slept in and did okay. By Wednesday I was back to normal. My students were so happy I was off...speeches were suppose to begin Monday and Tuesday. They all got a day of reprieve.

So weighed in this morning. Before weigh in, I had to start cooking for an eight-person brunch that was happening in my house at 8:30 this morning. My department, Performing Arts department. We decided to have a retreat. We had two major projects to get out of the pen and I thought making them breakfast at my place would be the best idea. Gawd I love these people. Such a handfull of creativity and fun. We talked and laughed and talked and laughed. We even got the work finished, although I had to leave them all because I had another appointment at 1:30. Asked them to shut the door behind themselves and ran off! Some stayed and cleared up the dished and put the food away. Good people :)

So anyway, I made a full brunch: biscuits and sausage gravy, quiche, fruit, danish, juice, coffee. And of course Diet Pepsi :) Delish! And I planned it all out so I could eat everything...it's all about portion control. And I still have some extra points for this week...this week that is over in a few hours.

But first I had to weigh in. Was I surprised to drop another 8 pounds! And those weekly pics are starting to look different :) That is a total of 21.5 pounds! Amazingly good job if I do say so myself *pat pat pat*

I am in the process of figuring out rewards for weight loss. I have never been very good with self-rewards. See, buying myself things isn't really exciting since I could just buy myself something. So if I am going to reward myself, I need to find things that are really important to me, things I really want. For smaller rewards for smaller goals, perhaps a movie or a massage. Ohhhh a massage for a smaller goal like 15 pounds. Every 15 pounds I will get a massage. Every 25 pounds I will....hmmm....go to the movies and have a small bag of movie popcorn. That's not all that exciting a reward because what if I want to go see a movie and I have only lost 23 pounds? I have to rethink that one. I have found a reward for the first 50 pounds. This gorgeous outfit. It will be mine.....

Other rewards may be small goals or larger goals. Goals that are not about poundage but about behaviors. I will need to think about those as I recognize behaviors that are not helpful or those that are. My final reward for this portion of the journey--the reward for reaching goal--will be a beautiful ring Doug and I found at the jeweler's. It is gold and silver intertwined with diamonds and pearls. Very beautiful. It will also be mine :) peace~~

This morning was this week's weigh in. I attend an early morning meeting--7 am--so I can weigh in and not come late to school. And I selected Fridays so that if I am latish due to traffic and such I won't have to rush to classes.

Now I get up every morning at 5:30 so I can catch the 6:45 bus. It gets me to campus by 8 am. Some mornings later...some mornings earlier. On days I drive, I get to sleep in until 6. Those are the best days :) So imagine my confusion on Fridays. I drive but still have to leave by 6:45 in order to get to the Weight Watcher meeting at 7:00. So I keep sleeping in until 6 and wonder why I am always late to the meeting! Apparently it is too early in the morning for me to figure that out. This morning I woke up early and had plenty of time to arrive at the meeting on time. But of course I didn't. Left same time as usual. How does that work?

Anyway, every evening before I weigh in, I get a little anxious that I won't have a weight loss. I mean I'm following the program, eating well, not making interesting choices that make me go, "Hmmmm," and yet I think I won't lose anything. I am not sure why. Perhaps it is because a few years ago I didn't lose anything while following the program. My body just said, "Nope not this time...not right now." But I faithfully go and I faithfully weigh in.

One of my problems is water retention. My body has always had the capacity to hold a bunch of fluid. I mean, I'm talking up to 20 pounds of fluid. When I was pregnant with my elder son, they had to hospitalize me in order to get rid of the fluid. That was a loss of 50 pounds. That's a huge bunch of fluid. But my day-to-day fluid is often 10 pounds, normally just around five. I can feel when it starts. My ankles and fingers swell so that it appears I have little piggy feet and fat fingers. I felt this starting this week. While riding home on the bus one afternoon, my ankles and feet started swelling.

So, I was not surprised when my weigh in had a .6 gain. I was not disappointed as much as resigned. Yeah a little disappointed but not enough to ruin my 14 pound loss. And that first flush of loss was of course fluid...but a nice bit of fluid for sure.

So I am up .6 pounds. But go look at my weekly pictures and you can see that I have continued to lose this week. It just isn't showing up on the scales yet. This weekly picture thingy is awesome!

I am going to post a good recipe now and again just because the recipe is good. First up will be Macaroni & Cheese. Yummy comfort food; low points :)

Note to self: have something to snack on during the ride home on the bus.

I have been coming home really hungry and feeling almost depressed. Then after dinner I am feeling much better. Doug and I figured out it was low blood sugar. I have nothing to eat from lunch--sometime between noon and 1:30 (depending on the day)--until I finish making dinner at around 6 pm. So a small snack would be helpful for the bus ride home at 4:00.

And apple. A protein bar. Something.

And I need to carry water with me as well. But pleeeeeeeeeeease don't make me have to pee during the hour ride home! :)

Well here's one for irony. I posted on Weight Watchers website my loss the second week and received this notice after posting:

Please note: You're probably excited to be losing weight, but you're losing faster than is recommended. Although it's normal to lose over 2 lbs in 1 week, if you lose more than an average of 2 lbs per week over a 4-week period, this could pose health risks, such as heart irregularities, anemia or loss of muscle mass. Please slow your weight loss; your doctor can help you do this if you're not sure how, or ask your Leader for ideas.

First time I have ever been told to eat more and lose less... I understand the message but this is just how my body is responding to eating less right now. Hey maybe a good belly laugh will help me lose my belly!

The first week was a great simple exciting week. I followed the program and paid attention. It didn't matter that I had been here before. It mattered that I was now determined to follow through to the end.

Since I ride the bus every morning (unless I have a late meeting or an appointment after classes), I decided to make my lunches the night before and simply grab it all before I run out the door. I catch the bus at 6:45...running out the door is necessary if I don't want to stand around the bus stop in the pouring rain for long periods of time. But it worked out. It even worked out one day to put dinner in the crockpot. I have to work this out better. But I definitely planned my meals well.

Dropped 11 pounds that first week. I have over 100 pounds to lose--closer to 150 to be more exact. Losing 11 pounds for the first week is rewarding and exciting. But not unheard of...percentage-wise it is a drop in the bucket. But I was happy.

I wasn't as confident the second week. Now understand that usually by the second week I am already thinking I need to wear something lighter so that I weigh in better. But my resolve was not to think about what I wore and just go. I have one skirt that I wear more than any other and it is a heavy denim. I am going to wear it each week until it falls off...I have resolved that I would follow this program without trying to manipulate the scales.

So I found myself not as confident the second week. I was trying to explain this feeling to my partner the night before weigh-in. I knew I had followed the program just fine, writing everything down, eating what I needed but making good choices. But I just felt I had eaten too much because I was full all the time. In fact, I could have eatten less rather than eating all the points. But we are encouraged to eat all the pounts or else we will start feeling hungry and grab less interesting choices...because those cookies are there :)

So when I went Friday morning (just yesterday!) to weigh-in again I was pleased to see I had lost another three pounds.

The challenge this week is to have dinner meals ready to toss into the crockpot before I run for the bus. I have them all planned out--the what not necessarily the when, some lunches planned as well. I love this cookbook I have called Fix it and Forget It Lightly. The link I have for this book is a blog cookbook review. Great book. Good food. And low points for many.

Happy week!

Well I finally did it. I simply woke up one morning and decided it was time. It could have been the fact I had to roll off the bed like a Weeble. It could have been because I had trouble sleeping at night at times, sleeping with a pillow for side support. Or maybe it was because I was just tired of looking like a beached whale at times. But I did it. I **ONCE AGAIN** joined Weight Watchers. I needed to wait a few days before I could attend a meeting, but it was a definite decision.

I lost a great deal of weight before I had knee replacement surgery two years ago and thought I was strong enough to keep it off. I wasn't. I lost and then regained 60 pounds all within a year. I was not happy with the way I looked, but that unhappiness didn't keep me from continuing to eat richly and in bulk. In truth though, I enjoyed life. I did activities. I went places and did things. Generally I was a happy person. And yeppers I was waaaaaaaaaaay overweight.

I went through what everyone seems to go through when it comes to losing weight...maybe it will come off on it's own. Maybe I should try this diet plan or that diet plan. Maybe surgery is the answer. Maybe there was a miracle drug that will make my life completely different. What really held me back is that I didn't think I could do it. Why bother, I thought. It was too much work--day in and day out, counting points, counting calories, weighing food, worrying about portion control. Besides, I'll just fail again.

I rejoined Weight Watchers because I knew I was going to die of a heart attack. I just felt it coming on and I didn't want to die. Two days after my decision, on September 19, 2008, I walked back through that door in Vancouver Washington eager to get on with this project.

I am going to keep a blog of this journey in order to help myself keep track of the process. I am also posting weekly pictures of myself as part of my motivation, hoping that it motivates me when the going gets rough or I get tired of the battle.