Coolness

You remember that old game: if you could be any animal, what would it be?  Well I always wanted to be a leopard.  Man they are so sleek and cool and sophisticated.  They slink around, powerful shoulders moving in sync with the earth, head down but taking in everything.  Cool and aloof.
And I picture myself walking through a crowd in a slinky black dress that clings to my body in just that perfect way, the hem floating across the floor.  My fuck-me shoes are glimpsed now and again as I saunter past; being cool and aloof.  People turning to watch me pass, wondering who I am and what I am thinking.  Mysterious.  Dangerous.  Powerful.

Okay....now change the question to: what animal best represents who you are?  And the fantasy evaporates........*fading to black*

See, I have never been cool.  Just not “cool” material.  I could put on that slinky dress and would never know it was caught up in the back in my pantyhose.  If I didn’t turn my ankle in those high heels, I would get a nose bleed from the height.  And how can I slink around when I kinda bounce rather than saunter?  And it’s difficult to get “just the right affect” in facial expressions to remain aloof when I give everyone eye contact while smiling all the time.  And I’d have to talk.  Oh yeah.....I’d have to talk.  A former lover and one of my closest friends calls me “Brook” cause he says I can run to babbling.

And sophisticated?  HA!

No.....to answer the second question....I am not a leopard.  I am curious and inquisitive and a bit uncoordinated (okay okay...maybe a little more than a “bit.”  Neighbors rush outside and offer to clean my gutters when they see me getting the ladder out....I have a tendency to bump into a closed door and then I actually open it.....I own my own pair of crutches....).  I want to explore everything in life - I don’t want to miss out on something important (nor obviously anything unimportant either....maybe I should examine differentiation and creating priorities....nah).  I have to check out things and sniff them, taste them, and spit them out if they are nasty.  I root through the day.

And happy?  Oh yeah.

So....a leopard is not the correct animal which represents me....that would be a full blown puppy.  A mutt.  Big feet and overzealous.  Romping and cavorting.

I dated a guy for a year who allowed me to “feel” sophisticated and cool.  We drove around in a Lincoln Town Car (Whooohoooo!), but I am a VW bug kinda gal.   He opened my doors (“It is the southern way, ma’am.”) and treated me like a “lady”  (Believe me, I ain’t no lady.  *beamin with womanly pride*).   I felt slinky and tried to act cool.  But instead of feeling powerful, I started losing power....falling into those old male/female roles that I had worked so hard to change.  I stopped being assertive and found myself in a more passive role.  I was no longer in control of my own life.....I had reverted back to allowing someone else to be in control.  Ewwwwwwww

Well it is good to try new things :)  But I am definitely a puppy *wagging my tail with my tongue flopping about while I grin and enjoy myself*

come romp with me
as we race to meet the wind

And the beat goes on.....peace :)  *woof*