Perseverance, Laughter and Love

As we move into our 24th year of marriage, I have started paying attention to all the little things that make us work so well together. I remember reading a light mystery series way back then where the star judged her relationships by two aspects: he makes me laugh and makes me “come.” And we thought that was a great start.

We do have things in common.  He plays music and I play the radio.  I make quilts and he uses them. He prefers to stay home and kill monsters on the computer and I make up for his loss of outside world interaction.  I dislike working in the yard and…well let’s just say one of the first questions I ever asked him was, “Do you like yard work?” And when he said yes, I announced, “I want you BAD.”  Perfect.

But it’s less our “things” in common as our outlooks on life, philosophies, our views of the world. We share a love for family, love for animals, for humanity.  We share world views, share a desire for kindness, for honesty. He has a rather dry sense of humor to my more slap-stick out-there funny-bone. But we still find the other hilarious.  He’s goofy to my sheer sophistication.  

Okay that last one wasn’t true.  But he is goofy 🙃 

The trust we have in one another comes from a deep place.  He was the first man who has never tried to change me. Ever. Oh yeah while he might like a few changes, he’s never voiced them nor tried to steer me toward them. He accepts me who I am: free-spirited living life out loud surviving hippie. As I accept him as he is: an introverted computer geek surviving hippie.  

We are now recovering from COVID. Thanks to a bazillion vaccines and Paxlovid, that recovery is going well. Slowly, but well.  The lingering COVID fatigue has reminded me how much we rely on one another day-in and day-out and how much we do for each other.  When my right knee was so bad that I could only crab-crawl up the stairs to bed, Doug took over doing the laundry, which is located in the basement.  Since he is two days behind me in COVID recovery, I pushed myself today and changed our fever-sweated sheets as well as took the towels to the basement. It had been a minute, but I remembered how to work the washer *wink*

We have split the household chores.  I cook because I’m better at it and he cleans up.  As I’ve been cleaning up these past few days I thought about how I simply leave my few dishes in the sink for him, leave the cooking mess for him. But then he leaves the bed unmade for me.  

My mother said he was a real gentleman (and that he had a cute butt…did I want to know my mom was looking at my partner’s butt!?) and he is (and he does lol). My bouts with cancer—he’s right there.  My flair ups—he’s right there. My cranky times—he’s in hiding.  His few illnesses—I’m right there. His autoimmune flair ups—I’m right there.  His few cranky times—I’m right there in his face.  Yes, he is smarter at some things than I am.

Oh yeah, and he is the Trivia King. I used to think between us we knew just about everything.  When I didn’t know something, he could fill-in. Nah. He’s so much smarter than me.  Except for pop culture; there is where I shine. I always knew reading People Magazine would be a useful activity. Each night as we eat dinner—we try to eat dinner together every evening—we pull out a box of Trivial Pursuit cards and ask questions.  We get into conversations over stuff. We laugh at our ignorance. We think we will remember the answer the next time.  We never do. 

What makes a relationship last as a strong unit? I can only speak of ours. Perseverance. Trust. Honesty. Love. Laughter. Plus we really like one another.