School Clothes

School starts soon and my grandgirl needs to look spiffy for her first days of first grade. Together we went to the fabric store and selected the patterns, selected the fabric, and I sat by my sewing machine for a few days solid like a good gramma. She now has five unique things for school.

The girl has taste! The poodle skirt was the first to be selected, then the minty green one. The purple dress is a jumper...the model didn't have an undershirt. Looks a little funny but still cute.

Living the Ad Campaign

I have been fearful of getting on the scales. I didn't want to read the numbers. But yesterday morning I decided to Just Do It! I was pleasantly surprised that I had not gained as much as I had tried to gain. I say "tried" because obviously I was working very hard at it... Glad I wasn't successful. I was 10 pounds up from my lowest point.

I thought about this amount--a small drop in a much larger bucket--and realized I could easily drop those new old pounds in a very short time. Yes I Can! So yesterday I went back to weighing food, measuring amounts, and eating just a little bit less. Of course I had to Obey My Thirst, so I stayed hydrated much better than I had been as well. And when the weather hits 100 like it did yesterday, that water is Good 'Til the Last Drop.

It is interesting how we often abuse ourselves without even thinking. We sabotage the very thing we want to accomplish. If you think about it, progress is a Terrible Thing to Waste. We all want to Be All We Can Be. So I am back on the trail of good health. Amazing how our resolve can wane; It Takes a Licking but Keeps on Ticking.

I can do this. Each time I walked past the 'fridge with my cute thin picture hanging next to the drawing made by my grandgirl, Kaity, I said out loud, Yes I Can!
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Discouraged But Not Lost

Last spring I went to the coast with Doug and we had a good time. But, having lost 40 pounds, I thought I could buy myself a new top or two. What I discovered is that 40 pounds didn't get me anything new. Everything still looked icky or too tight. I realized after coming home that I had lost some of the sight of my goal. I was discouraged. And talking about it made me realize how stupid that sounded so I didn't write about it.

But that is not the dumbest part of this journey... I hesitate to write how stupid I am, but I promised myself to pay attention to the journey. So here it is.

I mentioned that my sister has lost over 100 pounds this past year. I am very glad for her and proud that she has worked so hard to achieve so much. But... Okay here's the stupid part. But I have always been the thin one. She is the smart one and I am the thinner one. Now she is thinner than me and doing things I used to do but no longer do. She is sort of living my life rather than me living my life. And all this discouraged me. It should spur me on, but it doesn't.

Okay my complete idiocy is now out there for me to explore. Have gained about 10 pounds back but am holding and working on regaining momentum. I found a picture of myself from 13 years ago and posted it on my 'fridge as a reminder of my goal. I remember liking that feeling of thin :)
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I'll Be Right Back

Coming Soon to a Blog Near You!

Yes, I will soon be back...meanwhile, have a great Father's Day and enjoy the summer :)
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Things are Looking Up

We are home after a very long intensive week in Pittsburgh. We found a nursing center for Doug's mother where she will be tended to and safe. It is a very nice place where the residents are treated with care and dignity. Doug's father--who was so sleep deprived that he was acting desperate at times--has guilt from moving her to a nursing center, but he is finally getting some sleep. They have been married for 65 years. That is a long long time to be with someone and he is realizing slowly how lonely he feels, even after only a few days.

Doug's mother has now been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. She knows people but loses space and time. She is often searching for her Mother or some pet they had many years ago. She gets agitated when she can't do something and can get mildly violent (yells and throws things) if she gets too agitated. Our task this past week was to help Doug's dad find a living place, to allow him to have some rest, and to just spend time with both of them.

Doug's brothers and sister were at odds with us. We learned that their father was not also losing it, but that he just had no had sleep for weeks. They felt he needed to also be moved into a home. But I found him to be sharp and remarkably aware of things. He's slow in talking but not slow in thinking. One sister-in-law harshly said Doug and I were enabling him by listening to him and reassuring him that we understood; she and his brother felt we should instead be telling him what and how to do things. But we spent most of our time just listening to him.

I have come to understand that listening is the key to all communication. We teach people how to speak and interact--that is my job--but we really don't teach people how to listen. Truly listening is such a pleasure. And it is exhausting. Doug's father wanted to know why I "get it" when his own children didn't. They stopped listening.

Also, I told him, I am not his kid. That is an important piece. He feels that because they are his children, they should trust him and listen and understand. Of course they should. But I have the advantage of not being his kid. I don't have to get through my own stuff to listen to him. I don'thave to fight my image and perception of him as my father, as his kid. I don't have to deal with my concern that he isn't who he was when I was 10. I don't have to deal with losing him as my father and dealing with my own mortality. He didn't understand that until I happened to call my own mother. My mother and I are good friends. But I found myself getting irritated while she talked because she wasn't getting things right...she was confused and I wanted to make sure she understood better. And then I smiled to myself and sat back with the phone and breathed. It didn't matter these little details. We could push each others' buttons because I was her kid and she was my mother. So I sat back and listened to her as well.

We got home late Tuesday night and were back at work early Wednesday. Exhausted--both emotionally and physically. I had a tense meeting with the PE department over dance studio space that should have been postponed for a day. I got on the scales yesterday morning and simply said, "Hmmm I have some work to do." And I will do that work. But not today. Not without a bit more rest.

And the beat goes on. Peace~~
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