I Am

It's been less than two days since Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg has died and I am still trying to process her death. She so deserves to rest in peace after fighting for her life against cancer, fighting for her life as a woman, for her country.  And I am glad for her. But I am so very sad for myself and for women, for the LBGTQ peoples, the peoples of color, for marginal people. So much she stood for, fought for, did for America.

I remember in the late 1970s I was standing near the train stop at Saturday Market, my clipboard in hand, asking for signatures to get the Equal Rights Amendment on the ballot. One man stopped to ask me what I was doing. I explained what I was trying to do and he said, "What do these women want? (did he not notice me, a woman, standing in front of him?) My gawd, we gave them the vote! What more do they want?" and he stomped away. He left me no opportunity to thank him for his "gift."

I remember sitting on the lawn in the Park Blocks in the early '80s in protest against the possible removal of Roe v Wade. Hundreds of us were listening to speakers. Those around me were cheering and chanting. A few others booing. And I was crying, sometimes great sobs caught in my throat, crying for the fight, crying that we have to continue to fight those things that have already been fought. And then something boiled up in me. I stood up and began cheering. I was ready! I was ready to fight the fight, ready to continue to fight as long and often as needed.

And I am, still am. But I am tired and spent. I'm tired of living with a horrific pandemic. I'm tired of world-wide wildfires out of control, killing koalas and kangaroos and people, evacuating from homes and safety, blowing smoke around the world. I'm tired of "Me, Too!" no longer meaning as strongly as it did. I'm tired of weird pills from China. I'm tired of murderous hornets. I'm tired of riots in Portland, riots that no longer have meaning. I'm tired of hearing "All Lives Matter" when some moron reads that "Black Lives Matter."  

"Face it," as Lili Von Shtupp once said, "I'm pooped."

My friend Pauline wrote this on a FaceBook post: "I’m so tired...tired of being sad, depressed, angry; tired of the uncertainty and anxiety; so tired of one gut punch after another. I’m tired of the raging virus with no end in sight. So tired of all the lies, hypocrisy and hatred, of a rudderless administration with no solutions! I’m so so tired. And sad!"

The sun is shining today in Portland, sunshine with blue skies. I believe this helps us all feel more energized. No longer are we living in the weird Mars-like orange-yellow world where we lived for two weeks. And hopefully I can soon stand again and shout, fight the fights needed to be fought. For America is great and all we need to do is allow the people to feel the earth, the love, the care. To feel empowered once again.

 

 

Thank you Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. You have truly been the notorious R.B.G. I vow to stand with others so we can continue our fight.

And so it goes
peace~~~