Learning *Again* About Forgiving

There are certain things that we learn throughout our lives that don't seem to stick and we have to relearn them again and again. 

• Eating pizza near bedtime can bring on strange dreams.
• Walking barefooted on a hot street will quickly become painful. 
• There is a difference between lust and love.
• Listen to your "gut." 

Yeah these aren't really deep in your brain in the moment. *I mean, that pizza looks and tastes really good! *I just have to run out to the car; it won't take me long enough to burn. *But this is such a magic moment! *I know I shouldn't but can't resist...

So we have to relearn these things almost every time. It is especially humbling when we think of ourselves as "grown ups" that, you know, actually know stuff. 

 

And then there is the concept of forgiveness. There have been times I have carried a resentment toward someone who has hurt me or taken advantage of my good will, someone who has used me and tossed me aside. It can fester and get all painful. And I'm hurting. Then maybe I remember about forgiveness. And I can forgive them and move on. Most the time they don't even know they have hurt me nor that I have forgiven them. And yet I am the one set free. 

Breaking up is hard to do. When we love someone and they drop us, it takes some time to recover. And after we have sat in the corner and sucked our thumbs for a while, we get up and get back to living. But forgiving them for hurting you isn't easy. So many time we hear people dissing their former lover, friend, parent, disrespecting them by doing things to "get back at them," or spreading hurtful information. Truth. Lies. Doesn't matter. I never quite understood that and tried to never bad-mouth my children's father, especially to them. But yet it took me a long time to forgive him. Harder to forgive him for hurts he has caused his sons.

I had a friend, my best friend, who just stopped talking to me. It wasn't out of the blue; she was slowing down returning my calls. And then she just left me alone. I never knew why. I never understood what I had done to cause her to just drop me out of her world. And many years later I reconnected with her. I think I had believed she would eventually tell me what I did that caused to to cut me out of her life, but she didn't. I would hear about her doing things with other friends, friends who had come into her life while I was gone from it, and feel resentment. They were living what should have been my life with her! And it hurt. I thought about simply walking away in order to protect my feelings.

And then I remembered--again--this thing called forgiveness. I needed to research it a bit--again--to remember why I needed to be forgiving. It was not about her, but about me. Again. And as I forgave her, a huge 30-year lump came out of my heart. And I can now enjoy what I have without resentment, without pain. With happiness.

Forget? Naw it's not about forgetting. It's about forgiving, even if they have no idea that you are forgiving, that you needed to forgive them. It is being empowered. Today forgiving is one of my superpowers...until I need to remember, relearn. 

Again.

And so it goes
peace~~~