Friday, March 09, 2018

Buck Up, It'll Be Okay...


“It’s all fine to say, “Time will heal everything, this too shall pass away. People will forget”—and things like that when you are not involved, but when you are there is no passage of time, people do not forget and you are in the middle of something that does not change.” ― John Steinbeck, Cannery Row

About 19 million American adults are living with major depression.  Blogger Brittany Graziano  describes depression insightfully: Just imagine. Imagine having a flood of emotions run through your entire mind and body, causing all sorts of physical changes and intrusive, unwanted thoughts. Now, imagine that feeling, that nervous, anxious, overwhelming feeling that would give you... 

Depression is more than just feeling sad or going through a rough patch--hell we've all be through those times and know it will be okay in the end.  No, it's a serious mental health condition that requires understanding and medical care; it can be devastating to the one with depression as well as their family.

I can only speak as a mother who wants her sons to be healthy and loving and caring.  Both my sons are great men.  They care about others and communities, about politics and fairness, about love.  I adore my sons.  I look up to them as they find their ways through life.  But one of my sons suffers from depression.  His depression manifests itself in anger, in frustration, anxiety.  These emotions can guide his way.  His phone calls to me are at times long and ranting and rambling until he exhausts himself and we can move into more cheery discussions.  I often leave our conversations exhausted, depleted, anxious.  I mother-worry about both my sons; my worry focuses more on one than the other.

The Mayo Clinic lists these symptoms:
Depression signs and symptoms vary from person to person. They can include:

  • Feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness or hopelessness
  • Angry outbursts, irritability or frustration, even over small matters
  • Loss of interest or pleasure in most or all normal activities, such as sex, hobbies or sports
  • Insomnia or sleeping too much
  • Tiredness and lack of energy, so even small tasks take extra effort
  • Changes in appetite — reduced appetite and weight loss or increased cravings for food and weight gain
  • Anxiety, agitation or restlessness
  • Slowed thinking, speaking or body movements
  • Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or blaming yourself for things that aren't your responsibility
  • Trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions and remembering things
  • Frequent or recurrent mention of death, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts or suicide
  • Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches


As a family support member, trying to help someone who is depressed is a challenge, leaving us feeling helpless and overwhelmed.  I haven't yet learned how to be a better support.  I try to be a good listener.  I try not to argue or tell him it will all work out.  I try not to solve his problems...but I am his mom and I do want it to work out, so the pollyanna in me says so.  I'm his mom and, as a single mom to him for over half his life, a problem-solver.  Plus I get defensive when his ranting and raving move into my faults as his mother.  So yeah, I eventually argue the facts...as I see them against his facts as he sees them.  *sigh*


Again the Mayo Clinic:
What you can do for your loved one:

  • Encourage sticking with treatment. If your relative or friend is in treatment for depression, help him or her remember to take prescribed medications and to keep appointments.
  • Be willing to listen. Let your loved one know that you want to understand how he or she feels. When the person wants to talk, listen carefully, but avoid giving advice or opinions or making judgments. Just listening and being understanding can be a powerful healing tool.

  • Give positive reinforcement. People with depression may judge themselves harshly and find fault with everything they do. Remind your loved one about his or her positive qualities and how much the person means to you and others.
  • Offer assistance. Your relative or friend may not be able to take care of certain tasks well. Give suggestions about specific tasks you'd be willing to do, or ask if there is a particular task that you could take on.
  • Help create a low-stress environment. Creating a regular routine may help a person with depression feel more in control. Offer to make a schedule for meals, medication, physical activity and sleep, and help organize household chores.
  • Locate helpful organizations. A number of organizations offer support groups, counseling and other resources for depression. For example, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, employee assistance programs and many faith-based organizations offer help for mental health concerns.
  • Encourage participation in spiritual practice, if appropriate. For many people, faith is an important element in recovery from depression — whether it's involvement in an organized religious community or personal spiritual beliefs and practices.
  • Make plans together. Ask your loved one to join you on a walk, see a movie with you, or work with you on a hobby or other activity he or she previously enjoyed. But don't try to force the person into doing something.
 *****
Depression is harsh.  Depression is all-consuming.  It can make every day tasks seem overwhelmingly impossible.  Self-esteem plummets.   It is exhausting.  

It breaks my heart. 
peace~~~ 
 
Link to Telephone, Hotlines and Help lines

Monday, March 05, 2018

Dream a Little Dream

When my sweet Aunt Jenny died, the community where she lived held a memorial.  She had been making quilts since she was young--my grandmother made them, my cousins make them; it is a family thing.  She often sewed the bindings on charity quilts for her group.  People displayed some of the gorgeous quilts she made or worked on over the years.  I wandered around the open room, looking at these works of art, thinking, "WOW."  Then I started looking closer at the quilts and realized I could do that!  I could make a quilt.  

When I returned home, I bought a book of blocks with directions, some fabric, some batting and started sewing.  That year everyone received something.  Mom, the large block I made was framed and hung with the needle and thread woven into the frame (it is in my sewing area in the apartment in California).  My sister, my sons, all received decorative pillows with some block on it.  And I made a little block wallhanging for us.  I was on my way.

Over the years I have now made hundreds of quilts.  The majority of them have been given to kids or organizations for kids, but the family and friends have received a few.  At first I pieced and quilted all the tops on my little Husky Star.  What a trooper it is.  I still use it when I take classes because it travels nicely.  I upped my sewing machine to a Husqvarna Viking Sapphire (I love Husqvarna's and as you can see, they have been my dream machine since I started sewing on my little Singer back in 1968; it was my graduation gift from my folks)

Then I started paying people to quilt the larger ones like double bed size through king...and dreamed of owning a longarm quilting machine.  Alas, no space.  No money.  Nada.  So I continued to quilt what I could on my sweet machine.

I thought through many scenarios where I could get my longarm.  The neighbor's house was for sale and the back door is just steps away from our house...it would make a PERFECT sewing/quilting space.  I could even have retreats there with sleepovers.  We could rent a space in the neighborhood and make that into a quilting space.  We could build onto the house and create a complete studio.  Then when we sell, it could be a den or music room or whatever.  I really like that idea.  I could see the French doors leading off into the space, the sewing station, the quilting frame, shelves and cabinets.  Doug vetoed that one. 

Then I decided to convert my half of the garage into a 200 sq ft quilting space and we set off to have it become something real.  Now you don't really want to know all of those hassles...but alas it didn't happen.  Instead we built a shed.

We hired Tuff Shed to build us a marvelous quilting studio.  As it is no more than 200sq ft and doesn't have it's own electricity, it didn't need a building permit.  YippeeSkippee!  Space built...longarm machine and frame delivered--a Juki TL2200QVP Quilt Virtuoso Pro Longarm with Grace Virtuoso King Frame.  And after a year-long battle with JUKI to get it running right (thank you Montavilla Sewing!), I had my space and my magic quilting machine.

I am trying to improve my quilting but I am still rather shaky.  I can't do fancy stuff, but I keep trying.  Those little kids who receive the quilts only care that they are warm and cuddly and filled with love.  Friends send me tops to quilt and donate; great to help me practice.  I have made a couple commissioned quilts and warn the receivers that I am learning...learning...learning.  It works.

And now...oh yeah and now.  I named the studio and Doug is making me a Barn Quilt for the outside wall.  It will be a Jacob's Ladder block with the name through the middle: Daisy Quilts. 


peace~~~