Sunday, December 28, 2008

If You Only Walk on the Sunny Side

I have lost about 40 pounds. I can see the changes in my face. I am feeling like I have accomplished a great deal. And then I see a picture and realize I still have massive amounts of weight to lose...and it makes me tired that there is this big job...big job.

And it's not about people loving me, nor wanting to spend time with me. The hard part is that sometimes I just want it easy. I just want to go to bed and miraculously wake up and find 25 pounds gone. And then the following week, go to bed...and do this for a month. And then just stay down at that weight forever and ever. Magically :)

So, wanting it easy and finding it discouragingly difficult at times, I want to give up. Let's be honest here...I see pictures of people who are overweight and they look just fine... So I think what the heck?

Okay, so I am on this journey to its destination and beyond, for The Journey is life. And at this moment this part is not the easiest. But I need to write down all the things I am experiencing and this is one of them.

If you only walk on the sunny side of the street, you will never reach your destination...


Saturday, December 27, 2008

Christmas News

We so rarely get snow that I just have to stand and look at it as it comes down. And come down it has for the past week. The airport was shut down for a while--that's how not used to this weather we are LOL. But my daughter in law and grandgirl were able to get home from Hawaii with only a 6 hour layover in San Francisco. During all this time, I never left the house. But I sewed and sewed and sewed...two dresses for my grandgirl, one nightie and one jammies with feet, three quilts for Project Linus, finished my son's quilt, and made some crazy quilt hot pads and hot mitt. I also made a cloth alphabet book for my neighbor's little one. I'm thinking I needed this break!

The cats had a good time as well. I fed the birds right outside the deck doors, mostly because I couldn't open the door any more than wide enough to put down a saucer. The cats sat there all day every day, watching the bird show. It was like Kitty TV. The next day the squirrels came also. Some gorgeous birds--robins and a orange/rust breasted bird about the size of a robin, possibly a thrush. This bird showed up a few years ago when we had a freeze and we fed the birds close by (I usually feed the birds out in the yard rather than the deck). In the process, four saucers became buried in the snow. As the snow has been melting yesterday and today, the layers of saucers are once again appearing.

No weigh in this week as the streets were still not drivable for me, especially at 6:30 am. Still eating well. Still making decisions. I ate more on Christmas day than I have been, but was so much less than "normal." Forgot to take a picture for my weekly pictures...I will try to remember to do this tomorrow :)

It really is about choices, learning how to make good ones. Learning when to let things pass. Learning how to pass up things, what to pass up when. Life is good. Three days with my grandgirl and my sons. Lots of good times. This is the Christmas news.


Friday, December 19, 2008

The Weather Outside Is Frightful...

Still singing. This time I am singing the snow song. Weather here in Portland has been a bit chilly lately. Down in the low teens some nights. since I am off for winter break, I so don't care!

This picture was taken a few years ago, but it looks pretty much the same. To get another one, I'd have to actually go outside. (ADDED NOTE: there is even MORE snow out there now. Drifts are as high as the tires of my car and temps are hanging around the high teens. Brrrrr. )
I've been too busy sewing to actually do that. Finished my son's quilt, made another quilt for Project Linus, made a sunhat for my grandgirl to wear in Hawaii and a new nightie for her as well. I have started a cloth alphabet book for my neighbor's little one. She just turned a year old last month.

And I have started one more quilt for Project Linus using the HSTs for a Depression Block swap of a few years ago on Delphi's Quilting With a Passion forum.

So the weather prevented me from weighing in this morning, but I FEEL smaller :) According to my own scales, I am down a few pounds. But I don't know how my scales compare to the "official" scales. I will make it a pound down on my graph and then next week I will be surprised at four! :)

No massage yet for my second 15 pounds. I made an appointment for last Tuesday but the therapist couldn't get down off the hill to come on. So we rescheduled for today. Again she couldn't get off the hill. So this will happen sooner or later. Meanwhile, the music plays on...

Check out weekly pic...see what you can see :)

Friday, December 12, 2008

I went down down down and the flames went higher...

My weigh in today was a surprise. I dropped the water gain from the week before with a loss of .8 of a pound more. So between the two weeks, I lost almost a pound. This was, I must add, after goooooooing half the night from diuretics. I really want to get away from using diuretics but it is really too upsetting to be up 8 pounds one week and down 14 the next. So Thursday evenings I take the diuretics. For my soul :)

Now, I need to remember to make good choices. Choices that keep me satisfied so I don't go trolling for food. This is a big goal this week.

Today is also a special day...I am finished for the term and have until January 5 to play and relax and sew. Life is good :) I have a few projects to finish. I am making my mom, daughter-in-law and sister quilted hot pad mitts. I have the tops to figure out how to create the whole thing. But hey I have time now!

Other new projects:
  • ^I am also making my grandgirl a nightgown, sleeper (she likes feetsies in the sleepers, so I am making feetsies of course), and a dress. She selected the fabric and patterns. I selected the work.
  • ^I am making my daughter-in-law a beautiful old fashioned nightie, made with white fabric and lace. Very Victorian. She has seen the pattern but doesn't know I am making this for her.
  • ^And my son's queen-sized quilt has returned from the quilter, so I have the binding to do on that.
  • ^My neighbor's baby girl is getting an alphabet book from me, appliqued letters and objects (A/apple)

So I am more than able to stay happily busy this winter break. Check out the weekly pic...still showing a bit.

Also I decided not to get a perm for my hair. It has been difficult for me to change my hair...when I was a redhead, I had naturally curly hair. Now that I have let myself go grey, my hair has gone straight as a board. So for the first time in my life, I got a perm. It didn't hold long, so we did it again in smaller curlers. It held. The problem is I have to live with the Q-Tip head for about two weeks. And the smell nearly knocks me over, also for at least two weeks. So I just said fergetaboutit. We cut it differently so I can get used to the straight. Man who knew I so strongly identified with being a curly-haired redhead...

And so, yeah...the beat goes on.... peace~~~

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Lethargism Sets in...

I have been so lethargic this week. Doug has been ill and I have been fighting his cold, I think. But I come home from school and sit. Sometimes I fall asleep while I am sitting. I don't feel like sewing. I don't feel like typing. I just sit. And sometimes nap :) Ha! Perhaps this is what it is like growing old...sitting and napping. I need a good solid rocker on the front porch. That way I can yell at the neighbor kids between napping as I sit.

selfportraitHere is a self-portrait that Kaity made when she visited me at school. She told me her hair was flying away from her head from running. I was impressed that she had given herself a neck. That was a new development. It reminds me of a story a colleague told me about her oldest boy. He drew a head and what appeared to be a neck, exactly as Kaity did in this picture. His aunt, who was studying to be a special ed teacher, told my colleague what a genius was the boy. He was such early development, drawing a neck on a figure. She went on and on, raving at his ability. So the mom took the picture to the son and asked him what the "neck" was on the head. "That's my legs," the son replied.

katspajamasThe week before I had tons of energy and made or finished quite a few projects. Every year my partner and I adopt a family for Christmas and if I have enough time, I made the family a quilt. This year the family is only a young daughter and a mother, so I made them both a quilt. I fell in love with this kitty. It is a pattern from Mary Lou & Company, called Kat's Pajamas.

The family we adopt is always a student at the college. This particular family just escaped from an abusive relationship and has very little. As is so common, the mother asked for things for her daughter, nothing for herself. We always ignore the request to not think of the mom... wickedeasy The mom's quilt was a Wicked Easy pattern--so simple. I believe this specific pattern is no longer available online. It is made with 12 fat quarters. I bought the FQs on a trip to the Oregon coast this summer. An online quilting friend came out from NC to visit and I took her to the coast :)

I have set up a massage for next Tuesday. Lethargic has meant not being as careful about what I eat, but I am going to get my reward massage in! I have been eating okay dokey...just not making the greatest choices. *sigh* This journey is not fun right now :)

And the beat goes on. peace~~

Sunday, December 07, 2008

Things Are Not Always As They Seem...

snail picture curtesy of Kaity
I was thinking about all this as I drove from my weigh in to the school meeting I had on Friday. The scales showed that I was up 2.6 pounds, even though I had eaten just right. My initial reaction was that I had goofed and had been eating more points than "allowed." But I knew that I was staying within my points. Even given Thanksgiving, I stayed within my points. So I told myself that I have no control over what my body does with what I put into it. I reminded myself that this isn't a real gain but just a gain. I reminded myself that I had been up over 8 pounds earlier in the week. I reminded myself it is all about the journey. I then turned up the music in the car and drove on to my half-day meeting.

On the way home, I stopped to get some lunch and ordered a burrito. I often buy a burrito and cut it into thirds to have for lunch all week. That makes the points reasonable (5.5 points rather than the 18 points for the whole thing). I ate the whole thing. And I was very full, but still wanted a little something to top it off. I ate my normal 100-calorie chocolate covered pretzels. I was satisfied and I cut out and sewed a quilt top the rest of the afternoon. But I felt lethargic and hated the top--too pastel (I really don't care for a bunch of pastels...need spunk!). I sat in Doug's chair and watched TV until he came home. I teared up at commercials...

When Doug arrived home, I told him that I wasn't reacting well to the weight gain and I knew it was hormones...but it was still a problem. All the signs were there. Eating and can't get full, lethargic, fluid retention, tearing up at commercials. Yes, it was hormones.

Okay, so we decided to make pizzas for dinner. We make them from scratch, individual ones. I make a good veggie pizza and I thought that would be a nice topper for the day. Ooops...out of pizza sauce. Doug decided to use salsa as the sauce. I just acted cranky. Made a salad. I baked a bag of tater tots. Acted cranky. Decided to make a veggie foccaca breadish kind of thing. I ate everything, plus ranch dressing for the tater tots (which I hate...I really hate. I had the bag here for a visit by my grandgirl but forgot to make her some of them. I still hate tater tots. But I ate them!).

I thought that if it really is about the journey, if I really do want to explore all the good and bad and interesting and not as helpful things I do to help myself or to sabotage myself, then I need to write this all down. I didn't react well to a small weight up. I took that out by eating a larger lunch than I would normally do (although having a burrito for lunch before WW was nothing!). I was cranky. I wanted to eat something sinful and ignore that there is something important called portion control. I wanted not to care.

I also knew as I got ready for bed that it was over. I knew the next day would be back to normal.

I tracked it all. I didn't go over weekly and daily points. I was saved by the weekly points. But even if I wasn't over points, the choices were interesting. To quote Scarlett O'Hara, "After all...Tomorrow is another day."

I don't see any change in my weekly picture. But I guess the big changes are over for now. Small changes. Doug says he can see some difference.

And so the beat goes on. peace~~