Saturday, August 08, 2009

Discouraged But Not Lost

Last spring I went to the coast with Doug and we had a good time. But, having lost 40 pounds, I thought I could buy myself a new top or two. What I discovered is that 40 pounds didn't get me anything new. Everything still looked icky or too tight. I realized after coming home that I had lost some of the sight of my goal. I was discouraged. And talking about it made me realize how stupid that sounded so I didn't write about it.

But that is not the dumbest part of this journey... I hesitate to write how stupid I am, but I promised myself to pay attention to the journey. So here it is.

I mentioned that my sister has lost over 100 pounds this past year. I am very glad for her and proud that she has worked so hard to achieve so much. But... Okay here's the stupid part. But I have always been the thin one. She is the smart one and I am the thinner one. Now she is thinner than me and doing things I used to do but no longer do. She is sort of living my life rather than me living my life. And all this discouraged me. It should spur me on, but it doesn't.

Okay my complete idiocy is now out there for me to explore. Have gained about 10 pounds back but am holding and working on regaining momentum. I found a picture of myself from 13 years ago and posted it on my 'fridge as a reminder of my goal. I remember liking that feeling of thin :)
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7 comments:

Crispy said...

Hi Dori!! I can understand how you are feeling. The only thing I can say is to set small goals, reach it then set a new one. Don't look at ALL you want to do, it's just too overwhelming.

Keep your pretty smile on your face and all will be well.

Crispy

NanaKaren said...

First of all, I'll give you a short pep talk. You are NOT stupid! Discouraged maybe, but not stupid. (smiling)

Losing weight is really hard. Keeping it off is even harder. You have come a long way and I congratulate you on that. Keep smiling as Crispy said. I'll be here cheering you on!

Karen

NanaKaren said...

P.S. to my previous post here today:

For inspiration, please visit http://with-heart-and-hands.blogspot.com/

Wonderful, peaceful and inspiring words!

GARI said...

I'm so glad to finally hear from you. So glad you are not lost. One of the problems we all have is that we guage our progress by what others do. You have achieved so much in your life, give yourself a break. Your weight loss journey is hindered by your other physical problems so continue to work on it but don't set yourself up for a fall by expecting too much too soon. Lecture over! LOL

Lynn W. said...

I'm not going to offer any advice -- me the Queen of up and down the scale. Just know that a lot of us love you for you and care how you are doing. Just some words from your little big sister. (((((Dori)))))

Debi said...

Dori, don't give up sweetie. I am back on the bus with you. You are not stupid, don't even go there! I for one need support and I will be there supporting you also! We can do this together! I miss you!

Anonymous said...

*I remember liking that feeling of thin*
Me too! That is becoming my biggest motivator! My D-day is moving day... and without pressure from anyone. Though Ang is seeing me as a pet project though I've said nothing. It hurts my feelings because she feels she needs to change me when if fact it's herself she really wants to change.
You are far from dumb - you are in fact one of my favourite people! I love you as you are, I will encourage you to be the person you desire to be! smooch! Litia