|White tulips: flowers of forgiveness, of purity|
I've been very angry with my neighbor for quite some time. I found that she manipulated us, which has cost us thousands of dollars. I was so angry that I couldn't hold it in. I vented to Doug and to my friends online and to anyone who wanted to listen to me. I'd peer over the new fence, wondering what she was doing. I would fill with this anger just thinking about her. Fact is, I have never had this kind of anger before in my life. It's like, you know, being 65 somehow intensified the anger, like now I was just a cranky old lady. Next thing I know I might be sitting on my front porch in a rocking chair yelling at kids as they pass. "You young whippersnappers!" *rocking rocking and waving my cane* "Yes you! Stay off my grass! In fact, stay off my street! I don't care that you live across from me, Sassy Girl! Find a new way home!"
Okay, so I realized a few weeks ago I needed to get a handle on my emotions about our neighbor. I suggested I should talk to the neighbor. Doug thought that was a bad idea. I realized that was a bad idea. I thought about sending her a bill for half the cost of the thing we were manipulated into doing and then realized that would only intensify this raw emotion I was having. I didn't know how but I knew I needed to get control over my own life in this area.
And along came the Weight Watcher's meeting lesson. Hmmmmm forgiveness.
The next day, a friend of mine on Facebook posted a link to a blog entry, entitled Read This if There's Someone You Can't Forgive. http://thoughtcatalog.com/heidi-priebe/2015/06/read-this-if-theres-someone-you-cant-forgive/ This isn't an indepth article about forgiveness and how to achieve it, but it is a thought-provoking writing that gave me some insight into what I wanted, expected, thought I needed to create justice for me.
Author Heidi Priebe wrote that, "Forgiveness isn’t about letting injustice reign. It’s about creating your own justice, your own karma and your own destiny. It’s about getting back onto your feet and deciding that the rest of your life isn’t going to be miserable because of what happened to you."
And in just that second, the whole weight of this anger left me. I suddenly felt that the world was open again, bright again, fun again. And my shoulders were no longer up around my ears, my breathing softer. I realized I no longer cared what she was doing over the fence. I just didn't care anymore. I had no anger. *poof*
As I think about the Weight Watcher's meeting and my challenge to work on increasing the power of forgiveness, Heidi Priebe's last words in her blog post came to mind.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you are giving up all of your power. Forgiveness means you’re finally ready to take it back.
|Daffodils: flowers of forgiveness, of renewal, of new life|